Different
by Detective Olivia Stabler
Summary: Elliot and Olivia had been trying for years to get pregnant before their prayers were finally answered. Now as they begin to face complications in the pregnancy, they cannot help but wonder if they can handle the challenges of raising a disabled child. EO
1. 1 Answered Prayers

_Different_

_(Chapter One: Answered Prayers)_

Olivia sat on the edge of the bed fighting off a wave of morning sickness. She smoothed her hand over the small bump of a belly as she remembered back to the day she learned she was pregnant.

It was two years to the day that she and Elliot had exchanged vows and they had been trying to conceive from the moment the ink was dry on their marriage license. For so long it seemed as if this were a dream that would never come true, until that day.

Olivia had gone for her annual physical for work and showed symptoms of what she thought was a stomach virus that had been going around. Her doctor took some blood samples to run a few tests to try and figure out what was causing her illness. The results were something she definitely hadn't been expecting.

The tests showed high levels of a hormone he referred to as _human chorionic gonadotropin _or HGC. Just when Olivia was sure she had some horrible disease and was going to die, he explained that HGC is a hormone that shows up in blood and urine when a woman is pregnant. Olivia, was finally going to be a mother.

That night over a romantic anniversary dinner, she shared with her husband the news they had waited so long to hear. Elliot was so excited he grabbed her hands in his and they jumped around screaming in excitement. He held her so close and they laughed until they cried. To this point, it was the happiest day of her life.

She smiled and walked to the kitchen for some saltines and water.

"Good morning beautiful," Elliot said kissing her tenderly.

"Morning."

"How do you feel?"

"Not so hot," she replied combing her fingers through her hair.

"Hopefully this part will be over soon," he said paying out some crackers on a plate for her and handing her a bottle of water.

"Hopefully?"

"Well, with the twins Kathy had morning sickness through the entire pregnancy. Maybe it's twins."

Olivia smiled. "That would be nice. We would have our hands full, but it would be nice. We probably would have known by now if there were two in there. I would be just as happy with one." She rubbed her palm over her baby bump as she smiled.

"Have you felt it move yet?"

"I don't think so. But I am only about seventeen weeks or so, Elliot. My doctor says that some women don't feel their babies move until around twenty or twenty two weeks."

"So, what is on the agenda for today?"

"I have an appointment."

"For what?"

"Well, he was having a little trouble determining exactly how far along I was the last time. He just wants to check some things out and make sure the baby is developing properly. He says it isn't uncommon to miss the due date on the first appointment. He said he would probably do an ultrasound and take some measurements. Do you want to come with me?"

"Of course, I do. I want to be there for every appointment," he said kissing her on the forehead. "I am so excited about this baby."

"Me too," she said with a smile.

Elliot placed his hand against the side of her cheek. "We waited so long for this to happen. This baby is the answer to our prayers." Things were quiet for a few minutes. "What time is the appointment?"

"One o'clock."

"I have court in the morning, but I should be out by noon. I could take you out for lunch and then on to your appointment. And we'll get to see our baby," he said as he placed his palm on her belly.

"Sounds good. We'd better get going though if we are going to be at work on time."

"Are you sure you're feeling alright?"

"Yeah. Just a little morning sickness. It has pretty much passed."

"Because if you are feeling bad, maybe you should stay home."

"No way, El. I am saving up my sick days for after the baby is here so I can stay home with him."

"Or her," he said winking at his wife.

"Or her," she said with another smile.

"I love you, baby."

"I love you, too. I'm going to go take a quick shower. That always makes me feel better."

Elliot smiled and watched as she made her way down the hall toward the bathroom. He stood and walked down it as well, stopping at the first door on the right. He opened the door and stared at the empty room with blank white walls. The room that would soon serve as a nursery for their son or daughter. He looked around for a minute trying to imagine everything set up and the walls painted and the crib against the wall. He exhaled slowly and turned his attention to the large cardboard box containing the pieces of the crib.

"Daddy will start working on your bedroom this weekend," he said with a smile.

He closed the door behind him and walked back to the kitchen picking up the cards with paint samples in the bright green and yellow colors he and Olivia had chosen for the nursery.

* * *

That afternoon Elliot picked his wife up from work to take her out to lunch before her doctors appointment.

"I have a surprise for you," he said opening the back hatch or her black SUV.

"You got the paint."

"Yeah, I figured I could work on painting the nursery this weekend. Maybe get the crib set up next weekend."

Olivia smiled. "I can't wait to see how everything comes together."

"Oh, and this." He moved some stuff around to reveal a large box covered in brown shipping paper.

"What is this?"

"Open it," he said with a smile.

She tipped her head to the side and stared at him with a sparkle in her eyes as she tore back part of the paper.

"Oh, Elliot."

"Is that the right one?"

"Yes," she said with a smile looking down at the picture of the infant car seat she had picked out from the baby store. "I thought they were sold out. The girl said they had sold the last one and wouldn't be ordering anymore."

"I pulled a few strings."

"What strings?"

"I wrote down the serial number and made Fin and Munch help me hunt it down on the internet."

Olivia laughed. "It came from South Carolina," she said dragging her fingertip across the postmark on the package.

"Hey, what my wife wants, my wife gets." he smiled and kissed her again.

"You did good," she said wrapping her arms around his neck to kiss him once more. "But right now, your wife really wants food."

Elliot grinned as her stomach growled. "Apparently, so does my baby."

"Apparently."

He drove her to one of her favorite places and they enjoyed a nice Italian meal. Then it was off to the doctor's office. Olivia's OBGYN shared an office with a pediatrician. Elliot smiled and waved making silly faces at some of the babies in the waiting room as Olivia tried hard to concentrate on feeling her child move inside of her.

"Just think," he said locking his fingers in hers, "a few more months and we'll have one of those." He kissed her hand and smiled at a little boy who grinned at them. "Or one of those," he said nodding toward a woman holding a baby in a little pink sleeper.

"Do you want a boy or a girl?" Olivia asked staring into his eyes.

"I would gladly take either. But I seem to be really good at making baby girls."

She hugged his arm and grinned as she settled her head against his shoulder. "I could handle having a baby girl who looks like her daddy," she sighed never feeling more in love than she did in this moment.

Elliot kissed the top of her head. "So, we want a girl?"

"Or a boy," she said turning her eyes to gaze into his. "I have seen how adorable those blue eyes Stabler boys can be."

"Well, who says he or she will have blue eyes? Brown is more dominant, you know?"

Olivia smiled at him again.

"I could see our beautiful little girl with her mama's brown eyes."

"You can?"

"Yes, I can."

"Okay, I will make you a deal. If it is a girl, she can have brown eyes. But if it is a boy, they are blue."

"Deal," he laughed. "As if we have any say in that."

"I know," she laughed again. "But, it is fun to dream."

"I guess we should just keep trying until we have one of each. A boy and a girl, one with brown eyes and one with blue."

"Now, that is a deal," she said with a smile.

"Deal," Elliot repeated as he kissed her lips.

"Olivia Stabler," a woman called as she stepped out in to the waiting room.

* * *

"What do you see?" Olivia asked the doctor as he studied the ultrasound screen.

"Well, this is the heart beating. And here is the spine."

"It looks good, right?" Elliot asked not liking to look on the man's face.

"Olivia is right around seventeen weeks along. But the baby appears to be developing a little slower than we like to see."

"Something is wrong?" Olivia asked looking at him doctor with fear in her eyes. "Am I going to lose my baby?"

"Try to calm down. It could be nothing. Some babies just develop a little slower than others. But I would like to schedule some tests."

"What tests?" Elliot asked.

"I would like to schedule you for an amniocentesis."

"What is that?"

"It is a procedure we use to remove amniotic fluid from the amniotic sac. I will take a needle and go in through the abdominal wall until I have entered the sac. I'll draw out a little fluid and we will send that off and have it screened."

"Screened for what?" Elliot asked.

"Will this hurt the baby?"

"Overall, amniocentesis is a safe procedure with the risk of fetal loss at generally less than one percent."

"I could cause me to lose the baby?"

"Miscarriage does occur in about one out of about five hundred cases. The procedure is relatively pain free and provides us with a good look at what is going on in there. I will have the results back in about five to seven days."

"What are you screening for?" Elliot repeated, feeling as if the man was trying to avoid answering the question.

"The screening can give us information that can help detect complications such as certain birth defects as well as telling us things such as the baby's sex."

"What is wrong with my baby?" Olivia whispered in tears as she focused her attention on the tiny little heartbeat on the screen in front of them.

"That is what I want to help you figure out," the doctor said softly looking at Elliot. "I can do the procedure as early as tomorrow morning. But the sooner we get the results back, the better."

Elliot looked at his wife as he squeezed her hand and she nodded to him. "We'll be here."


	2. 2 Choices

_Different_

_(Chapter Two: Choices)_

Elliot held tight to his wife's hand as the doctor held up a large needle.

"Oh God," Olivia said closing her eyes afraid to look.

"It is gonna be alright, Olivia. I have numbed the area and you shouldn't feel a thing. This will only take a few moments."

She breathed heavily as Elliot blocked her view of the needle.

"I think I'm going to pass out."

"Just look at me, sweetheart."

"Ooh, El, I hate needles."

"I know, honey. This will be over in just a few minutes. And when the results come back we will know if that baby is our son or our daughter," he said shifting his eyes to the screen to distract her.

"We will know a lot of things," she said softly.

"We'll have some answers," Elliot replied squeezing her hand. "Then we will know what to expect. We can educate ourselves and be able to do what is best for our child. Even if that means special care or expensive doctors. We will do whatever it takes."

"Okay," Olivia said taking a deep breath. She turned her eyes to watch the monitor. The baby began to move around as the needle entered the wall of the amniotic sac. "Is that hurting him?" She asked looking at the doctor.

"Not at all. That is why I use the monitor. I can keep an eye on here and make sure I don't get too close to the fetus. I promise, I won't stick your baby."

"That is comforting," Elliot said looking behind him at the doctor.

"Almost done," the doctor said as he began to draw the needle from her abdomen and deposited the fluid he had collected into a test tube. "There we are," he said placing a small band aid over the spot where the needle had entered her body.

"What now?" Elliot asked.

"Now, you relax for about twenty minutes or so. Some women feel a bit faint after amniocentesis. Then I want you to go home and take it easy for the rest of the afternoon. You will probably bruise around the entry site and might experience a little cramping. If you have any heavy cramping or start spotting or bleeding, get to the emergency room and have them page me immediately. I am going to send this off to the lab and we will have some results in about five or six days."

"That seems like so long," Olivia sighed.

"I will give you a call when I get the results and you can come back in and we will discuss those as well as options for treatment, if any is needed. I know this all sounds really scary, Olivia. But there is still the chance that this could come back perfectly normal and everything is just fine."

"What are they testing for?" Elliot asked.

"This will help to detect abnormalities in things like hormone levels, that can be an indication of birth defects such as cystic fibrosis, Down's syndrome or spina bifida."

Olivia didn't take her eyes off the tiny fetus on the monitor.

"Would you like a picture to take with you?" The nurse asked pushing a button to print out a black and white copy of the image.

"Thank you," Olivia sighed fighting back tears.

* * *

That evening as she sat propped comfortably in bed and surrounded by pillows, all she could do was stare at that picture.

"Hard to believe, isn't it?" Elliot asked looking down at the image. "That you and I were once something that small."

"Yeah," Olivia said forcing a smile.

"Try to get some sleep, honey. There is nothing we can do, but wait. In a few days we will know more. You should try not to worry."

"What if something is wrong. El?"

"What if it isn't? We just don't know until the results of that screening come back."

Elliot placed his hand against the small bulge of her belly.

"Mommy and daddy love you so much," he said placing a kiss against her warm skin.

Olivia laughed as a tear slid down her cheek. "It kicked. He or she, they kicked. Did you feel it?"

"No, honey. I can't feel it just yet," he said brushing some hair back from her eyes and kissing her tenderly. "Soon, though. I think maybe that one was just for mommy."

"It was amazing, Elliot. I have never felt anything like that before," she said rubbing circles over her belly hoping to trigger another kick that daddy could feel as well. "I can't believe that there is actually a little baby inside there."

"Our little baby. And this is probably the most loved kid in the world."

Olivia smiled. "Do you think so?"

"I do. Between you and me, and all of the kids and our friends. I don't see how any other baby in the world could possibly be loved as much."

"When should we tell the kids?"

"Tell them what?"

"That something is wrong."

"Liv, we still don't know for sure if anything is wrong."

"Something is, Elliot. I saw the look on that doctor's face. He didn't want to say it. But something isn't right."

"I don't think that we should say anything at all until you and I at least know what is going on. He said today that things could still turn out to be fine."

"Okay," she said softly nodding her head. "I just want them to know what is going on. I mean if something is going on. The kids deserve to know. I don't want this to be a surprise to them. I think the more we discuss this with them and they know what to expect, the better. It will help the way they handle the situation."

"What do you mean by that? Are you trying to say that my kids wouldn't love this baby if it had a birth defect?"

"They are not _your_ kids anymore, they are _our_ kids. And I am trying to say that they are a part of this family and deserve to know what is going on. They are going to be scared, Elliot. And they are going to have questions and fears, just like you and I do. This is their baby brother or sister in here. The results of this screening, no matter how they turn out, are going to affect us all."

"You're right," he said as she stared into her eyes. "I just think we should wait until we know for sure and we have answers to a few of their questions, before we say anything. I think we should get the results. Then if it is necessary we will all sit down at the table and we will have a talk with the children. We can tell them what we know and try to help them understand the situation the best we can. But until we actually have something to discuss, I think we should just keep this between us. Telling them now is only going to have them as scared and worried as we are."

"Okay," she said with a soft smile. "So, now we have a plan. Now all that is left to do is wait."

"We should get some rest. It has been a very long and stressful day."

Olivia exhaled softly as she yawned. "I really wish you could have felt that kick," she said staring down at her belly. "It was the most amazing thing."

"I will be able to feel them before long," he said kissing her tenderly. "I love you. And daddy loves you," he said kissing her belly.

* * *

Four days later they sat in the waiting room once more. The doctor entered the room and turned on the ultrasound machine once more. Olivia laid back against the table as he moved the wand over her belly. Things in the room were quiet for several minutes as he took more measurements and looked closely at the fetus on the screen.

"Doctor?" Elliot asked looking at the man. "You do have the results back, right?"

"I do."

"Can you tell us what is going on with our baby? We have been so worried these last few days. Good or bad, we just need to know what is happening in there."

He turned in his chair to look at Olivia as he opened the medical file containing the results of her amniocentesis. He looked down at the paper in front of him and took a deep breath as he cleared his throat.

"I'm afraid that the tests we ran on the fluid samples did show some abnormalities."

"Oh God," Olivia gasped in tears as Elliot closed his hand around hers.

"What kind of abnormalities?" Elliot asked trying to hold strong.

"One of the tests that was performed on the sample I took the other day measures the levels of three hormones that appear in a woman's blood and in the amniotic fluid during pregnancy. The hormones are alpha-fetoprotein or AFP, unconjugated oestriol or uE3 and human chorionic gonadotrophin or hCG. Olivia's test screened a positive result."

"What does that mean?" Olivia asked. "I thought those hormones were supposed to be present."

"They are. When a test screens positive it usually means that due to one of many factors, there is a higher risk of certain birth defects. Not necessarily that the fetus has them. This is why Olivia screened positive. The AFP and uE3, hormones are present, but in lower levels than normal and her hCG levels are higher than they should be. So, then they look more closely at the cells we pulled from the fluid. The cells inside the fluid will be a combination of Olivia's cells and those of the fetus. The separate the genetic material until they have singled out only the baby's cells, then examine those closely. Twenty three pairs or forty six chromosomes, are located within the nucleus of each cell. When a baby is conceived by combining one sperm cell with one egg cell, the baby receives twenty three chromosomes from each parent, making the combined total of forty six chromosomes. Sometimes, an accident in the production of a sperm or egg cell causes that cell to contain twenty four chromosomes. When this defective cell is involved in the conception of a baby, that baby will have a total of forty seven chromosomes per cell instead of the normal forty six. The cells from your baby contain that extra chromosome and the baby tested positive."

"Positive for what?" Elliot asked with concern.

"Down's syndrome."

Olivia couldn't help but cry. She didn't want to feel disappointed by these test results, but felt as if she had let her baby down somehow.

"Now I need to talk to you about options, choices." The doctor sat back down in his chair as he moved over beside the table where Olivia laid.

"What choices?" She asked through tears as Elliot studied the look on the doctor's face.

"Many couples choose not to continue a pregnancy that has yielded a positive test result. I can give you contact information for a friend of mine who can take care of the situation for you, should you choose to terminate the pregnancy."

By now, Olivia was crying so hard she could barely breathe. She raised up on the table and looked at the baby on the screen. "You want me to kill my baby?"

"Many children born with Down's syndrome do not live past the age of twelve and often suffer from heart failure and other problems due to their condition. I am only trying to provide you with options."

"I think we have heard enough of your options for one day," Elliot said helping Olivia to her feet.

She wiped the gunk off her belly with the sheet from the table and lowered her shirt once more.

"I'm not killing my baby," she snapped through tears as Elliot helped her put her coat back on and escorted his wife from the building.

* * *

Things were quiet most of that evening. Elliot made dinner, Olivia's favorite to try and cheer her up, but she barely touched it. They sat across from each other for half an hour at the dinner table and didn't speak two words.

After dinner, Elliot ran Olivia a hot bubble bath to help her relax away some of the stress of their day. She soaked for almost two hours, refilling the tub with warm water a couple of times.

Elliot wanted to talk to her, he knew he needed to. But he had no idea what to say to make this better. After her bath, Olivia went on to bed. Elliot laid on the sofa staring at the ceiling with a thousand thoughts and worries racing through his mind as the game played on television.

Finally he turned off the television and went to bed. He pulled back the blankets and laid down beside her. Olivia was laid on her side facing him and the tear stains on her face told him exactly what she had been doing in the hour before he joined her in bed.

"Hey beautiful," he said cupping his hand softly against the side of her face.

Olivia drew a staggered breath and blinked her dark eyes a him. "What are we gonna do, El?" she whispered softly. "My doctor practically told us we should kill our child."

"We're gonna start by finding another doctor. I don't want that asshole anywhere near my wife or baby. Then we are going to find out everything we can, educate ourselves on Down's syndrome. That way we understand it before the baby comes."

"Do you really think we can do this?"

"I know we can. It might not be easy, Olivia and I am sure it is going to be scary as hell at times. But parenthood always is. We can do this, baby."

She sighed heavily and wiped her eyes. "I am just so scared. I feel so guilty, Elliot."

"Guilty for what, Liv?"

"This is genetic. That means it probably came from me."

"It could have come from me."

"You have five other children, El. All of them perfectly healthy. And I…I waited to have a baby. I knew there were risks with me being older, but I wanted a baby so badly I just didn't think about them. I was so selfish and now our child is the one who is going to have to pay for that."

"Olivia, Kathy was older than you when she had Eli. Women much older than you have babies every day. You are thirty seven years old, I doubt that your age was what cause this. Down's syndrome can effect babies from parents of all ages. You and I didn't do anything wrong. We didn't do anything to cause this and feeling guilty is not going to do anything but make you feel horrible about something we cannot control. Honestly, it really doesn't even matter what caused it anymore. All that matters now is how we choose to approach it."

Olivia stared at him and nodded her head in agreement. "I want to call Kathy and talk to her, tomorrow."

"You want to tell Kathy about this right away?"

"Well, I want to call her and ask her about the doctor she used with Eli. I have heard her talk about how wonderful she was. But by the time she brought it up, I had already started seeing this doctor. I'm never going back to him."

"You're damn right, you're not. He is lucky I didn't knock him out when I had the chance for talking to my wife like that about our baby."

"We do need to tell Kathy, though. I think maybe she can help us help the kids understand it."

"That's a good idea. We could talk to her first and then maybe the three of us sit down and talk to the kids about it together. I mean, if you want?"

"I think that would be best for the kids." She laid quiet for a moment as Elliot placed his hand against her belly. "We didn't even get to find out the baby's sex," she said softly.

"We will, when we go see our new doctor. For now, we should probably both try to get some sleep. It has been a very long and stressful day for all three of us."

Elliot kissed her belly and rubbed his hand softly over it.

"El, I love you so much. And I love this baby, no matter how this turns out. But I couldn't sit there and let that doctor tell me that he or she shouldn't be born because she is different."

"The guy was an asshole. Olivia, I love you and all of our kids more than anything in the world. And I am not about to stand by and watch as anyone treats our child as if he or she just doesn't matter. Because she does matter. He or she, and you and the other kids, you are all that matters to me in life. And maybe different isn't necessarily bad. Maybe different is more….special."

Olivia smiled as another tear slid down her face. She couldn't help but love him even more for his optimism in the situation. She was scared, possibly more now than she had ever been in her entire life. But she knew that this baby was a gift sent to them from God. And God would not have trusted them with such a special gift, if he didn't think they could handle it. Now more than ever, they were just going to have to rely on their faith to help guide them.


	3. 3 Assurance

_Different_

_(Chapter Three: Assurance)_

"How was your day?" Elliot asked sitting in an arm chair across the room from his wife.

"Pretty good. Oh, I got the number for that doctor from Kathy and she said that she could get me in tomorrow at two."

"That is great." Elliot reached across the table and locked his fingers in hers.

"I also ran by there, while Fin and I were out and signed a release for so that she can have my records faxed to her office. That way when we get there, she will already know everything that is going on and have the test results from the amniocentesis."

"That's good. Did you meet her?"

"No, they were busy. I just spoke to the woman behind the window. But Kathy says she is wonderful."

"Did you tell her about the baby?"

"I thought it might be better if we talked to her together. And I wasn't sure we should tell anyone until we speak to this doctor. I know it wont change our test results, but I would just really think I will feel better about this entire thing if we can speak to a doctor who isn't trying to convince us to terminate the pregnancy. Because _that_ is not even an option."

"Never," Elliot agreed. "We are a family, for better or worse. And I cannot wait to meet this kid."

"Really?"

"Really."

Olivia smiled. "Me, either."

* * *

The next afternoon they met with their new doctor.

"I'd like to do another ultrasound, if you don't mind. I would just like to get a better look at what is going on in here," she said smoothing her hand over Olivia's belly.

"No problem," Olivia replied with a smile as she laid back against the table and raised her shirt. "Do you think we will be able to tell the sex of the baby?" Olivia asked watching as the doctor applied some gel to her skin.

"You don't know, yet?"

"No, they were supposed to tell us when we got those results," Elliot said looking at the medical file. "But then he suggested we terminate the pregnancy, so we left."

The woman smiled at them as she opened the file and looked at the papers. "I can tell you now, if you'd like."

Olivia smiled and looked at her husband.

"Yes," she replied as Elliot slipped his hand into hers.

The doctor picked up the wand and placed it against Olivia's belly and the baby immediately appeared. "Mr. and Mrs. Stabler, if you will take a look over here, I would like for you to meet your daughter."

"It's a girl?" Olivia asked as her eyes filled with tears of joy.

"Our little girl. You're sure? I mean the picture is a little fuzzy."

"But the DNA is clear," she replied with a smile. "This baby is definitely a girl. This is good news, I hope."

"It is the best news," Elliot replied as he kissed Olivia.

They watched as the doctor took some measurements and studied the information in the medical chart. "The heart and lungs look really good. We have a good heart beat. With Down's syndrome there is a history of heart defects as well. Once she is born there are a few more tests we will need to run to make sure everything is alright with that. I know a specialist, he is very good and I would like for him to take a look at her. He is the best. And I am going to make sure she gets the best. You have a beautiful little girl in there. And I am going to do whatever it takes to help you give her the best care we can."

"Thank you," Olivia sighed in relief.

* * *

Back at home a few hours later, Olivia was sitting on their bed putting the new ultrasound pictures into her baby book.

"Liv, can you come in here for a minute?" She heard him ask from down the hallway.

"Yeah, babe. What's going on?" she asked as she stepped into the dining room to see a romantic dinner for two set at the table. "El?"

"I was trying to think today while we were at work and I realized that I cannot remember the last time we had a date night." Elliot pulled out her chair at the table. He took her hand in his and lead her to her seat. "So, this is our date night."

"This is incredible," she said looking around at the beautiful setup on the table in front of her. "This is all so beautiful. And romantic."

"Only the best for my girl," he said kissing her tenderly.

Elliot took a seat across from her as he poured her a wine glass of iced tea.

"Not as romantic as red wine. But better for the baby," he said with a smile.

"Thank you." She grinned.

Elliot clicked his glass gently against his wife's in an iced tea toast to their unborn child.

After dinner, they settled on the sofa together to watch one of the movies he had rented for her. He laid behind her and wrapped his arms tight around her. He held her tight and kissed her tenderly.

"This was really sweet of you. To arrange this romantic evening at home together. Things have been so fast paced lately, it's like we haven't really had any you and I time."

"We have had a lot going on. But I think it is important for us to have time set aside for us. I know that is going to be even harder to do once we have a newborn to take care of. I think we should make a deal now. To have a date night at least….twice a month. Even if that just meant putting the baby to bed a little early so mommy and daddy can enjoy a little take out."

"I think that sounds like a good idea. And I love nights like tonight. Just relaxing and unwinding and existing together. You made a romantic candlelight dinner and rented movies that I wanted to see and we have been laying here curled up together on the couch just holding each other for the last two hours. This is better than any date I have ever been on. I mean, could this night get any better?"

"I could throw in a massage."

"That would be amazing."

"You are amazing," he said as he worked out some of the tension in the muscles of her back and neck.

Olivia moaned softly and closed her eyes as everything else around them just faded into the background.

"I love you," she said softly opening her eyes to stare up at him.

"I love you," Elliot replied kissing her. The kiss started out slow and became more passionate over the next several minutes.

"I know we have been a little distant this last week. I think maybe we both just needed our own time to let all of this sink in and adjust. But I am confident that everything is going to be just fine. And in a few months, we are going to have a beautiful baby girl."

"Yeah," she said rubbing her hand against her belly.

"We need to think of a really pretty name for her. Now that we know for sure it is a her."

"We will have to work on that."

"I also want to get the nursery finished. I got the crib set up, but I was thinking maybe we could paint a castle on one wall. With some flowers and birds, maybe."

"A castle?"

"Yeah, for our princess," Elliot said smoothing his palm over her belly. "Or we could stick to the jungle theme idea. That would be good for a boy or a girl."

"I like pandas."

"Liv, baby pandas are not jungle animals."

"Oh, I know. I just saw pictures of a nursery on the internet that had pandas and it was really cute. So soft and cuddly, perfect for a baby."

"We could do pandas if you want."

"I'm not sure yet. Maybe we could sit down together and look up some nursery theme ideas and decide on one."

"That sounds good.."

"You know what else we haven't done in a while?" She asked batting her eyes at him as she smiled softly.

"You hadn't been feeling well. Then we had all of this stuff with the amniocentesis, I really didn't think you would feel up to it."

"But it has been days since the procedure. And I have not felt sick in a few days. I mean, unless you don't want to."

"Of course I want to. I would have to be crazy not to. I just don't want you to feel like I am pushing you for sex all of the time. I know with you being pregnant, especially as you get further along, there are going to be days that you just don't feel like having me grabbing around on you. But anytime you want to, just let me know."

Olivia laughed. "I appreciate you being so understanding about all of this. But really, I feel much better. And with all of these pregnancy hormones right now, I have found that I pretty much want it all of the time."

"All you had to do was say something," Elliot laughed.

"Well, I'm saying something now. For future reference, your wife wants sex a lot while she is pregnant. Maybe I am some kind of freak."

"It's normal. Like you said, it's the hormones. But there is no need for the romance to end. Why don't you shut things down in here and give me a few minutes, then come join me?"

"I could do that. Or you could give me a few minutes," she said with a wink.

"Umm…okay. I can do that," he said as a grin slowly made it's way across his face.


	4. 4 Planning For A Miracle

_Different_

_(Chapter Four: Planning For A Miracle) _

Elliot stood checking the messages on the answering machine as Olivia entered the apartment.

"Anything good?" She asked tossing her keys down on the coffee table as she walked to the kitchen for a bottle of water.

"Yeah," he replied folding his arms in front of her as she twisted the cap off the bottle and took a drink. "A call from your doctor called."

"Oh, what did she say?"

"Well, the message she left for you said that they could indeed go ahead and tie your tubes right after delivery, if that is still what you want to do."

Olivia turned and looked at Elliot as anger spread across his face.

"I can't believe that you decided to do this without even talking to me about it," he snapped in an equally pissed off and hurt manor.

"Elliot, I didn't decide anything. I had a few questions and I called her to talk about it. She was busy with a patient and the secretary took down my number for her to return the call. That's all."

"That's all?"

"El, please. I don't want to fight."

"Neither do I, Olivia. But apparently what I want doesn't even matter anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that we both wanted more kids! We discussed this! We had a plan! From the moment we tried to get pregnant, we planned to have at least one more!" He shouted as she began to tear up.

"But having a child with a disability wasn't really figured into our plan! Was it?"

"Why would you want to have your tubes tied?"

"You know why," she said softly as her tears began to fall.

"There is nothing that says that every child we have would have this!"

"Having a baby with Down syndrome raises our chances of having another one with the condition. It is in the books! That isn't fair to the child! And it isn't fair to her. I want to give her everything we can, Elliot. And to have another baby, even without the condition, would take away from this baby."

"Baby," he said cupping his hand against the side of her face as she cried, "you are just scared. I'm scared, too. This little girl in has already taught us both so much about being a parent. She is my sixth baby and I have probably learned more this time around than with any of the others."

"She has a name now," Olivia said looking up at him with tears in her brown eyes.

"Madeleine," he said with a soft smile. "Madeleine, has completely changed all of our lives. And I think it is for the better. Liv, I think we are going to be just fine. All of us. And later down the road if we decide that she is our last, I think that is fine. I just don't think that you should do something as drastic as tying your tubes. Not right now at least. Wait a few years. Until she is bigger. We may decide later that we want to give her a baby brother or sister. And now that we know that we run risk of having a baby with Down syndrome, we will know what to expect. There is nothing that says that any other child we have will have this."

She exhaled softly. "I just don't know that we could handle two babies with this condition."

"Baby, together we can handle anything. And by the time another baby is ever an option, we will have already been through all of this with Maddie."

"Maddie?" She asked with a smile.

"Madeleine Faith Stabler, Maddie. You don't think it is cute?"

"I think it is adorable. Maddie. Are we really going to be okay?"

"Yes. We are. Because we are both too damn stubborn to give up the fight."

Olivia laughed. "I hate fighting. And she doesn't like it either," she said placing her palm against the place where Maddie's little foot was.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm sorry," he said tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as he stared into her dark eyes. "But it hurts to be left out of the loop on things like this. It was just kind of a surprise and not a good one. I had no idea you were even considering it."

"I wasn't really. I just wanted to get a little information from her about it. El, I would never make a decision like that without talking to you. And what you want does matter, your opinion matters. We are a team. Husband and wife and we are her parents. You are the only person in the world who could possibly love her as much as I do. Of course you matter."

"I love you," he said pressing his forehead to hers and stealing a kiss. "No more fights, I promise."

"No more fights," she repeated softly. "I love you, too. And there are other ways to prevent getting pregnant for a while. An IUD works for about five years."

"Baby, after five years I am not sure either of us is going to be up to having a baby again."

She smiled. "It works for five years. But if we decide that we would like to try for another baby before then, my doctor can remove it. Or if _we_ decide that she really is our last baby, I can have her replace it with a new one. It is a lot easier than trying to remember a pill or buying condoms all of the time."

"True."

Elliot winked at her and kissed her once more.

* * *

The next afternoon, Olivia had another appointment with her doctor. As she and Elliot watched the monitor where little Madeleine kicked and moved around the doctor pointed something out to them.

"You have just over three weeks to go and she has not turned yet. I would like to go ahead and schedule a cesarean."

Olivia looked nervously at Elliot.

"Is everything alright?" She asked.

"She is doing wonderfully. She has a good strong heart beat and it just kicking away in there. Her lungs look good and everything seems fine. But if she stays breach, you wont be able to have a vaginal delivery."

"Is there still a chance she could turn?" Elliot asked.

"I just really kind of wanted to do this naturally. No drugs or anything," Olivia said looking at her daughter on the screen.

"Some babies just turn late and some don't turn at all. What I will do is schedule the c-section and when you come in I will do another ultrasound to check Madeleine's position. If she has turned by then I could go ahead and break your water to try and induce labor. Or give you a shot of Pitocin and proceed with a vaginal delivery."

"Okay," Olivia said with a smile.

"I am really proud of little Madeleine, though. She is doing so well," the doctor said with a smile.

"Good," Elliot said smiling and kissing Olivia's hand. "That is the kind of news we like to get when we come to the doctor."

They scheduled the cesarean for three weeks from that day. As they were walking out to the car, Olivia was staring down at the ultrasound picture in her hand.

"It seems so strange," she said softly.

"I know this was not the way you really wanted to do this, honey. But it will be safer for you and Maddie. And it is kind of cool that we got to pick her birth date."

Olivia smiled. "That isn't what I meant. It is neat that we already know when she will be born and we got to choose the day. I just meant that it is a little strange that in three weeks she will finally be here. It seems like this time went by so fast. Well, not the part with the morning sickness, that seemed to last forever. But it kind of seems like it was just last week or so that I even found out I was finally pregnant. And in three weeks we will finally get to hold our daughter."

"Kind of exciting, huh?"

"Exciting. And nerve wrecking. I can't wait. But I have to admit, I am still a little scared."

"It's going to be fine. We are going to be fine. All three of us. And I know she has five big brothers and sisters who cannot wait to finally meet her. Maureen said that she and Kathy have helped the kids look up some information on Down syndrome to help them better understand her condition. That way they kind of know what to expect, too. And Casey and Maureen are hosting your baby shower next weekend, so that will be fun."

"And we finally got her nursery painted and set up. And we have all of her stuff."

"You need to pick something out to bring her home in."

"I thought we could just use that little pink sleeper you brought home for her that says _daddy's little girl _on it."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, I love it. It is adorable and it was picked out especially for her by her daddy. That was the first outfit she ever got. I think it is perfect."

"You don't think some ruffly little pink dress would be more appropriate?"

"Maybe. But I like the sleeper and I think it would be much more comfortable for her."

"Good point. You're thinking like a mommy already," he said with a smile.

"That's my job."

* * *

_**EIGHT DAYS LATER….**_

"El," she said softly nudging him from across the bed.

Elliot groaned.

"El?" She reached her hand over in the dark and patted his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I'm snoring, babe. I'll try to stop," he mumbled as the snoring continued.

Olivia took a deep breath and sat up a little in the bed. She placed her hand under her belly and smoothed it around to feel Madeleine moving around inside.

"Elliot. Wake up."

"Yeah, sweetheart." He opened his tired eyes to stare at her through the dark. "You want me to go get you some water?"

"No. Elliot….I'm having contractions."

"What?" He looked confused as he tried to process the situation in his half asleep and overly exhausted mind.

"I think I'm in labor."

"No. You're having a c-section in two weeks."

"I don't think so."

He tilted his head and watched as she had another contraction.

"I think I'm having the baby tonight."

"Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure. Yeah."

Elliot still looked confused.

"Elliot, my water just broke."

**TO BE CONTINUED….**


	5. 5 A Very Special Delivery

_Different_

_(Chapter Five: A Very Special Delivery)_

Elliot stood beside his wife as they watched the ultrasound monitor.

"She hasn't turned?" He asked as the doctor zoomed in on Maddie.

"I'm afraid not," she replied. "I need to go ahead and get you prepped for surgery," she said looking at Olivia.

"It's gonna be okay, baby." Elliot squeezed her hand and kissed her forehead.

"Mr. Stabler, if you would go with the nurse she can get you ready as well."

"I'll see you inside, sweetheart."

"Okay," she said softly as they helped her onto a gurney and wheeled her down the hall.

Elliot scrubbed his hands and put on some blue scrubs and a paper mask. He followed the nurse down the hall and into the room where his daughter would soon be born. Madeleine was his first child to arrive via cesarean, so this experience was new for him as well.

He made his way to Olivia's side and took her hand in his once more.

"Olivia, we're about to start. You have already had the spinal block, so you should feel no pain at all. I will make an incision on your lower abdomen and then in the uterus. And about seven minutes later, Madeleine will be born. I will cut the amniotic sac and so they can suction the fluid out of the way. Then I will reach in and guide her toward the opening. After Maddie arrives, I will hand her off to Dr. Baylor and she will she will check the baby over and get her stats while work on closing you up. The entire process will take less than an hour, if there are no complications during delivery. Dad, if you like you can step around and catch a glimpse as the head and even watch if you want as we pull her out."

"Wow, really?"

"Sure. Or if you brought a camera of camcorder you are welcome to film as long as you are back far enough that the team is able to move around."

"Our daughter is in the waiting room with the camcorder. Is there any way that she could step in and film the delivery so that I can stay with Olivia?"

"We normally only allow dad in the room, due to the number of extra staff that have to be in here. But I will see what I can do," she said with a wink. "Let me make sure it is alright with the other doctor."

She walked across the room and spoke to Dr. Baylor for a few moments before she returned.

"Dr. Baylor has agreed to allow one more person. So if you daughter would like to step in and film Maddie's delivery, that is fine. We will give her a designated area she will have to stay in so that she is not in the way. Now, if for some reason we get into an emergency situation, a nurse will have to show her back to the waiting area."

"An emergency?" Olivia asked worried.

"Rarely, but we have to have a plan in place should we encounter any complications. I am sure everything is going to be just fine."

A few minutes later a nurse returned with Maureen who was wearing a mask and a paper gown as well. They showed her to an area across the room where she had a clear view of both sides of the curtain.

"Okay," the doctor announced. "Are we ready to deliver a baby?"

"Yeah we are," Olivia laughed.

"Let's get started," the doctor said as the surgical team got into place.

Maureen turned on the camera and watched in amazement as they placed the first incision. Elliot held tight to Olivia's hand and waited as they watched the reaction on Maureen's face as the doctor cut through the uterine wall and broke the bag of water surrounding their daughter.

"This is so gross," she said softly as she looked down at the screen on her camera. "But it is so amazing."

"Elliot, if you want to step around her for a second we are about to get the first look at your baby girl."

Elliot kissed Olivia tenderly as he brushed his thumb across her forehead. Olivia smiled nervously and watched as he stepped around to see Maddie for the first time.

Elliot watched as the baby's little head began to appear from the opening.

"She has a lot of dark hair," the doctor said as Maureen smiled and zoomed in.

Once Madeleine's head was out a nurse stepped in to suction out fluid from the baby's nose and throat. Elliot watched as the doctor eased the baby from the uterus and laid her onto a surgical cloth. That was when little Madeleine began to cry.

"She's beautiful Liv," Elliot said with a smile and tears streaming down his face as he returned to her side. He held Olivia's hand in his and kissed her gently as they both cried tears of joy.

The doctor clamped off the baby's cord and looked up at Elliot.

"Would you like to cut the cord?"

"Yeah," he replied stepping in like a pro. This part of the delivery, he was familiar with.

Olivia watched as Madeleine was handed off to Dr. Baylor to be examined. She had been recommended by Olivia's doctor, because she specialized in treating infants with Down syndrome.

Olivia exhaled and she and Elliot watched the team across the room as they examined the little girl. Maddie cried and cried and looked up at the world around her.

"Her lungs sound healthy," Dr. Baylor announced as they wiped Maddie down to clean her off a bit.

She listened closely to the baby girl's heartbeat and nodded her head as she combed her fingers through Maddie's dark hair.

"She sounds really good."

They placed a little identification bracelet around Maddie's wrist and ankle with Olivia's name on them. One of the nursed wrapped the baby tight in a blanket and put a little pink hat on her head, then carried her to Elliot.

"Hi there Madeleine," he said softly still crying as he kissed his youngest daughter. "This is your mommy," he said holding her for Olivia to kiss.

Olivia was still being closed up and was unable to sit up enough to hold her daughter, so Elliot held the baby for her to see. She traced her finger tip over Madeleine's little cheek.

"Hello Madeleine," Olivia whispered. "Daddy and I have waited so long to finally meet you."

Elliot looked back at Maureen and reached for her hand. "You want to meet your new baby sister?"

"Of course I do," she said wiping tears from her cheek.

Maureen walked over and held the camera to look down on the new family. She watched the screen as Olivia kissed her daughter once more.

"She looks like you Liv," Maureen said with a smile. "She has dark hair and has your complexion. She has dad's eyes though."

"She is perfect," Elliot said smiling down at his wife and daughter.

"You are so beautiful," Olivia whispered to her baby. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Madeleine Faith Stabler."

"Honey, I can take the camera for a minute if you would like to hold your sister."

"I can?"

"Of course you can," Olivia said with a smile. "You are her big sister."

Elliot took the camera from Maureen and carefully handed her the baby in the little pink blanket.

"Hi there Madeleine," Maureen cooed down as the baby stared up at her. "I'm your big sister, Maureen. Soon you will meet your other siblings. You have three big sisters and two big brothers. And we all love you so much."

Elliot smiled over at Olivia as he taped the first interactions between his oldest and youngest daughters.

"We're ready to move them to recovery," the doctor said looking over at Elliot. "Mom needs to rest for a few hours and then the other kids are welcome to come in and visit. Madeleine will rest with mommy for a little while and then we will give her a bath. If things continue going this well, mommy and baby will be released in about three to four days."

"What did she weigh?" Maureen asked looking down at her sister.

"Maddie was born at 9:19 am. She weighs five pounds seven ounces and is eighteen inches long."

"Is that good?" Olivia asked.

"She is a little early. And babies with Down syndrome are often smaller than babies without the condition. But she is healthy and seems to be doing very well."

"Thank you doctor," Elliot said as a nurse took Madeleine and he kissed Olivia. "I will see you in a little bit," he said kissing her again. "Maureen and I are going to go show this video to the other kids and let them see their little sister."

"I love you," she said with a smile.

"I love you, too baby." Elliot kissed his wife and looked over at the baby in the nurses arms. "Maddie, daddy loves you, too. You go with mommy now, angel and I will see you a little later."

He put his arm around Maureen and watched at they took Maddie and Olivia from the room.

"Come on dad, I can't wait to show everyone the baby!"


	6. 6 Balance

_Different_

_(Chapter Six: Balance)_

Olivia moaned softly as the alarm clock sounded for the third time since they had settled in for the night.

"I still don't understand why you set the alarm," Elliot mumbled as she sat up and scrunched her toes in the carpet.

"She doesn't cry, El. Well, she barely cries. She doesn't wake me up to feed her and right now she needs to be nursed about every couple of hours. You want her to be healthy, right?"

"Of course, I do. Nothing in the world is more important to me," he said squinting up at her as she turned on the bathroom light so that she could see to look in on Madeleine.

Olivia smiled at him then turned her attention to the little pink bundle in the bassinette.

"Hello, Maddie," Olivia whispered.

She leaned down and picked the little girl up in her arms and kissed her as Maddie stared up at her.

"You are the most precious thing in the world. Yes, you are."

She smiled and cooed at the baby as she laid her across a baby blanket on her side of their bed to change her diaper.

"There we go, sweetheart. Nice and dry. Are you hungry, baby?"

Olivia moved to sit on her side of the bed and nurse her daughter. Maddie grunted and stared up at her mother as she nursed.

"She is so perfect," Elliot whispered as he swirled his fingers in the little tuft of dark hair on his daughter's head.

"We waited so long for this," Olivia whispered as she smiled down at her daughter. "I love her so much."

"She's our little angel. Our special gift from God."

"She is three weeks old tomorrow," Olivia said looking over at him.

"I hate that I have to go back to work. I love being here with the two of you."

"We'll be here when you get home."

"What are your plans for tomorrow?"

"Well, we need diapers. And some groceries. I thought we would do a little shopping. Maybe stop by and take daddy out for a lunch date."

"Wow, a lunch date with two beautiful girls."

"Can you burp her so I can get cleaned up?"

"Sure."

Olivia handed Madeleine to her daddy and moved to the bathroom to wash up. She returned a few moments later and climbed in bed with her husband and baby. Elliot laid Maddie on a pillow between them in the bed.

"I have a couple of hours before I have to get up for work. Right about the time she will need to be fed again."

"There is a support group meeting tomorrow evening."

"Liv…"

"Elliot, we said we were going to do this. We talked about it before she was even born."

"And we went."

"Twice. Elliot, these are other parents of children with Down syndrome. I think it is good for us and for her. El, I think we need this. I need this. And I would really like for you to go with us."

"Us? You want to take her to that meeting?"

"I was hoping maybe all three of us could go. This group was recommended by the doctor who delivered her and her pediatrician."

"I just don't think I want to sit there and talk about her and have people pass judgment on us and our daughter."

"El, these are other parents with children like Maddie. They are not there to judge us. They are there to help us and help each other. They are parents who have all of the same hopes and fears for their children as we have for her. And I think it will be nice for us to have people to talk to about this."

"We have people to talk to. All of our friends are supportive. We talk to them."

"I mean people who know first hand what we are going through. I know that our friends would do anything they could to help. I know that they all live Maddie and are here for us. But they don't understand this, they have never faced this. All I am asking is that we try. We go to a few of the meetings together and see if they offer any comfort or help. Just give it a fair shot, for Madeleine."

"Okay," Elliot agreed tracing his thumb over the curve of her face. "If you feel this strongly about it and you really think that it will help, I will try it. We will take Maddie and go to that meeting tomorrow evening."

"Thank you for doing this for me. And for Maddie."

"I would do anything for either of you. I just want to protect her, Liv. I don't want people looking at her like she is broken. I want to protect her from the looks and the stares and all of the small minded people in the world who cannot see how wonderful she is."

"I know you do, Elliot. I do, too. And that is exactly how every single parent in those meetings feels about their child. That is what I mean. They all understand us, because they have been where we are now with their own children."

"If it means that much to you, if you really think this is what is best, then we'll go. All three of us. I want whatever is best for our daughter. I want to do whatever makes this the easiest on her. I'm her daddy. All I want is for her to grow up a happy, healthy little girl."

Elliot wrapped leaned over the baby girl between them and kissed his wife on the forehead.

"I love you both so much. Yes, Maddie. Daddy loves you baby girl," he said kissing he little forehead as she stared up at him.

"We love you too, daddy. You should try to get a little rest before you have to get ready for work. About the time you have to get up and get ready for work, it will be time to feed her again. I can start some coffee and we can have breakfast together."

"That sounds like a plan," he said kissing Olivia again as she reached to turn the light off.

They laid together in bed by the light of moon and watched as their baby daughter yawned and grunted. Olivia placed the pacifier into Maddie's little mouth and kissed her daughter.

Two hours later the alarm went off again. Elliot reached to turn it off while Olivia rolled on her side to look down at little Maddie looking up at them with her daddy's blue eyes.

"Good morning sunshine," Olivia said sweetly as she kissed her daughter.

"Good morning to you, too." Elliot sat up and smiled over his shoulder at his wife.

"I wasn't talking to you, daddy. I was talking to Madeleine," she cooed as her daughter smiled up at her. "Elliot, she's smiling."

"She's too young to smile."

"No, she isn't daddy. Look at her. She is smiling for her mommy. Aren't you Maddie?"

"I'll be damned," Elliot said looking down at Maddie. "She is so smart. Brains and beauty. Got them both from your mommy, didn't you princess? Give daddy kisses, Maddie. I need to go take a shower and it is time for your breakfast."

That evening Elliot and Olivia sat in a support group meeting for parents of children with Down syndrome. Elliot could not seem to relax, but Olivia focused on every word the people around her spoke. Maddie slept peacefully in her carrier at her mother's feet until she began to stir a little and her daddy picked her up in his arms to give her a bottle.

Halfway through the group took a break for refreshments and a little time to mingle. Olivia kissed her baby girl on the forehead then went to the table in the back to get them some drinks. She picked up a couple of sodas and some pretzels as she made small talk with a few of the other mothers.

As Olivia made her way back across the room to her husband and daughter, she saw a familiar face.

"Dr. Cates?" Olivia asked as she stood face to face with her obstetrician.

"Olivia, hey. How are you doing?"

"Good. Are you a guest speaker tonight?"

"Umm, no. I am a member of this group."

"You are?" Olivia asked with a smile.

"Yes, for about six years now. Well, not _this_ group for six years. But groups. A group of some sort. My son, Collin, he has Down syndrome. That is how I know Dr. Baylor, he treats my son. I should have told you. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Olivia said with a smile. She turned and looked over her shoulder as she heard her daughter begin to cry. "Elliot has the baby," she said as she walked back toward her seat.

"Maddie is here?"

"Yeah. She is over there with daddy. Would you like to say hello?"

"Sure," Dr. Cates said with a smile.

"El, look who I found."

"Doctor," Elliot said with a smile reaching his one free hand from under his daughter to shake her hand.

"Hello, Maddie. Look how big you're getting," she cooed to the baby.

"You want to hold her?" Elliot asked handing her the baby girl.

"She is doing so well. Yes, you are pretty girl. She has grown so much in the last few weeks."

"Yeah," Olivia agreed brushing her fingers across her daughter's head.

"She really is a beautiful little girl."

"Thank you so much."

"I'm really glad that you guys decided to come. I just wanted to welcome you to the group. I'd better get back to my seat," she said handing the baby back to her mother. "It was really good to see you. Maddie, it was good to see you, sweetheart. Olivia, some of the mothers, we get together sometimes for a little mommy time. You know, shopping or a movie. You should join us some time. This, all of this, it really does help. If you give it the chance to. It takes a little getting used to. But we are all friends here, kind of like a big family. A support system. Anyway, if you ever want to have lunch or something give me a call."

"Okay," Olivia nodded with a smile. "I will, thank you."

Olivia carried her daughter back to her seat as they finished listening to parents speak about their experiences with Down syndrome.

That Saturday morning Olivia buzzed quietly around the apartment cleaning. She checked on Madeleine in the bassinette before settling on the sofa to fold a basket of clean laundry.

"You should call her," she heard Elliot say from across the room.

Olivia raised her eyes to look at him leaned against the kitchen counter holding his cup of coffee.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Dr. Cates. You should call her."

Olivia smiled and folded another towel.

"I don't know. I mean she already has this group of friends and they have a routine. Maybe I shouldn't disrupt that."

"Honey, she wouldn't have invited you if she didn't want you to come. I think it would be good for you."

"You do?"

"Yes. To have some mommy time, just like she said. Some time away from home, away from all of this. Some time just for you for a change. You have not been more than six feet from that baby since the day she was born."

"I'm her mother, Elliot. I am supposed to be with her."

"I know that, baby. But you need to be able to go out and have a little grown up time, too. Time with friends. Girl time."

"These people aren't my friends, El. I barely know them."

"So you will get to know them. You don't strike me as the kind of girl who has ever had trouble making friends. You and I knew each other for about a minute, before we were inseparable. You are irresistible. And an amazing friend."

"Aww thanks, El."

"Call her."

"Okay, I will call her."

Elliot picked up the cordless phone from the base and placed it in her hand as he kissed her tenderly.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

He handed her the business card that Dr. Cates had given her with her personal cell phone number written on the back. Olivia smiled and dialed the number. After the third ring she heard the woman's voice on the other end of the line.

"Dr. Cates? This is Olivia Stabler…."

"Olivia, it is so good to hear from you. Call me, Becca."

"Becca…I was just wondering if you would like to grab some coffee or something. Just to get together and talk.""

"Sure. Umm…. My husband is picking my son up around noon. Would you like to grab a lunch around one?"

"Oh, today? One o'clock?" Olivia repeated as she looked up at Elliot. He smiled at her and nodded.

"Today isn't good?"

"No. No, today is fine. One o'clock. Where should I meet you?"

"How do you feel about Italian?"

"Love it."

"Me, too. There is this great little place on 72nd street."

"I know the place. I'll meet you there?"

"Alright. Olivia?"

"Yes?"

"I'm glad that you called."

"So am I."

Olivia closed the phone and looked up at Elliot.

"Today?" She questioned.

"It is as good a day as any."

"What about her?"

"She can hang out with daddy for a few hours and give mommy a little time. There are bottles ready, we will be just fine."

Olivia looked down at her daughter in hesitation.

"You can call and check on her at any time mommy. Daddy has taken care of a few babies before."

"Oh, I know. I have just never left her for longer than it took me to take a shower. I guess I'm a little nervous."

"We'll be fine. She'll be fine. You will be fine," he said kissing her lips. "You need this, baby. It will help keep you sane. Just a little break. And we will be right here waiting for you when you get home."

"You are so amazing," she said with a smile.

"You are amazing. And you are a wonderful mother. But you are much more than just Maddie's mommy, Liv. And you can't lose touch with yourself. You are home with her all day, every day. You never get a break. This is your break."

"I love being a mommy. She is my life."

"I know that, babe. I just think that it is important that you get a little time to yourself as well."

"Most guys wouldn't understand that, much less think about it."

"Most guys are not the father of six children. I have done this a time or two."

"Most guys are not as amazing as my husband."

"Very true," Elliot agreed as Olivia laughed and kissed him.


	7. 7 One Step At A Time

_Different_

_(Chapter Seven: One Step At A Time)_

"What do you think about this one?" Olivia asked securing her earring as she walked into the living room modeling yet another dress.

"It is nice. Just like the last one," Elliot assured her as he held Madeleine's bottle in her mouth.

"But is this one more appropriate than the last one? Do you like it better?"

"I like them all. You have been meeting Dr. Cates…."

"Becca."

"Becca, once a week for almost three months now. I don't know why you are still so nervous about meeting up with her. It's almost like you are getting ready for a hot date or something."

"It isn't a date," Olivia laughed.

"Mommy has a date," Elliot whispered to his infant daughter as she smiled up at him.

"It is not a date," Olivia laughed again this time hitting him in the shoulder. "I just want to look presentable."

"You look incredible. Every one of those dresses looks incredible on you. Your hair and make up are perfect, you have a beautiful smile, all you need is a little confidence. I have never seen you this nervous to go meet friends."

"I just want them to like me, Elliot. I don't really have any female friends. Well, except Casey, but that is different. The only friends I have are people we work with. I want this to work out. I like spending time with these women and I want them to like me."

"Liv, it has been almost three months. If they didn't like you I am sure they would have stopped inviting you by now. What do you guys have planned for today?"

"Brunch at a woman's club across town and a spa day."

"That sounds nice. You should relax and try to enjoy yourself. Try not to be so self conscious."

"I can't help it, Elliot. I want this to work out so badly. For me, but also for her. A lot of these mothers have children who are only a year or so older than she is. That will give her a group of children like herself to socialize with as she gets older."

"I am sure that things are going to be just fine. You worry too much. You should relax and try to enjoy yourself. I understand that you do this for her, but this part, these brunches and spa days between the moms are for you. You should enjoy yourself."

"I will, I promise."

"Maddie and I are going to watch cartoons and maybe, if daddy is really lucky….we might even get in a nap."

Olivia smiled.

"Are you sure you guys are going to be alright?"

"Liv, you do this every week. You go with Becca and enjoy your mommy time. This is our daddy-daughter time, just Maddie and her daddy."

"Sounds like you two already have big plans."

"Well, we do this every week. Share a bottle of breast milk then cuddle on the couch until we fall asleep together."

Olivia laughed.

"I love that the two of you have this bonding time."

"Oh yeah. For a few hours once a week I am her favorite person in the world. Mommy might have the breasts that make the milk, but when mommy leaves, daddy holds the bottle and the key to her heart," he joked.

"She loves her daddy," Olivia whispered kissing Madeleine's full head of thick dark hair.

"She loves her mommy, too."

"I love her so much. I can't even imagine how my life would have been without her in it. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Madeleine and daddy and our family, all eight of us. It is like I finally figured out my true purpose in life, to be a wife and a mother. I have never been happier."

"Me either, sweetheart." Elliot raised up and kissed her tenderly. "I love you, baby. You're going to be late."

"Shoot. I completely lost track of time. So….this dress?"

"That dress. Those shoes. That hair and that smile. You look beautiful."

Olivia smiled and laughed.

"Okay, this is what I am wearing. I just have to grab my purse and phone and I am on my way."

"Have fun," Elliot said as she rushed back into the living room from the bedroom.

"I will, I promise. Maddie, mommy loves you and I will be back soon. You be a good girl and have fun here with daddy," she said softly as Madeleine smiled and cooed.

Olivia kissed her daughter and then her husband.

"I love you. I will only be a couple of hours."

"Since when can you do brunch and a spa _day_ in just a couple of hours?"

"I don't want to be away too long."

"Baby, I've got this. Go and enjoy yourself. Take as long as you'd like. We will be just fine. You forget I am back to work now, so I don't get to spend as much time with her as I would like to anymore."

"A few hours. A little while. If you need me…."

"I will call you. Maddie, silly mommy is worried about us."

Madeleine smiled and grunted as she sucked on her fist.

"You guys are my life, of course I worry."

"You shouldn't. We are just fine and worrying will just make you crazy. Go and have fun. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Elliot kissed her once more, then she was out the door.

"Lets get you changed, princess. One of us doesn't smell so hot and I am pretty sure it isn't me," Elliot said looking down at the baby in his arms.

Olivia laid face down on the massage table wrapped in a sheet as the girl worked the muscles in her lower back. She moaned softly as she felt the tension slowly releasing from her body.

"This place is amazing. Best massage in the city," Becca said from her table across the room. "And when we are finished here, we'll get a facial and a manicure while we sip martinis by the peaceful stream in the botanical garden in the back room. Complete Zen."

"No martini for me thanks," Olivia mumbled as she turned her head to look over at her friend. "I am breastfeeding. I don't think Maddie would appreciate vodka."

"Maybe an iced tea then."

Olivia laughed.

"Now that, sounds great."

"They have this mud mask here that does amazing things for the skin. It is like clay from the dead sea or something."

"You come here a lot?" Olivia asked.

"No, I try to work it in about once a month. It is a good way to detox your mind and body and just relax."

"How is Collin doing?"

"He is doing really well. He starts school again in a few weeks."

"Does he like school?"

"He loves it. He has tutors that sit with him in the classroom and therapists that come to the house and work with him a few days a week. That way he can remain in a regular classroom and not have to go into a school that offers a special education program. I wanted him in a private school."

"That makes sense. All of our kids go to the Catholic school ran by our church. I would someday like for Maddie to go to school there, too."

"Do they offer special classes?"

"I don't think so."

"Then prepare for a fight. Private schools do not legally have to accommodate disabled children or children with learning disabilities."

"So how did you get them to accept Collin?"

"Well, they cannot deny her either. Legally, it is like a think red line. They can suggest alternatives, but if you choose that school and supply her tutors and assistants, then they cannot refuse her the chance at an education. That is one benefit of the public school system."

"What is that?"

"Well, public schools either have to provide a special program for children with disabilities or they must provide a therapist to work individually with the child in the classroom. The state pays. It is the law."

"Elliot has been a member of this church since he was a child. All of the kids have gone to church and school there, we have made many financial contributions as well as donating time to help them out whenever we can. Maddie was baptized there and has attended that church since she was born. I am sure they understand us wanting to put our child in their school."

"I'm sure you are right," Becca said with a smile. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just want you to be prepared to face the struggles I had to go through. Hopefully, by the time you face these things with little Maddie, the world will be a warmer more welcoming place."

"I'm glad that you are telling me these things. Anything that could possibly make this easier on her and on us is great advice in my book. I don't always know what to expect. And it makes it harder to fight for my daughter, when I am hit by road blocks in areas I never would have dreamed they would be found. I am sure you didn't expect that getting Collin into a good school would be such a challenge either. It probably would have been nice if someone would have let you know that could have been an issue."

Becca smiled.

"Yeah. Look Olivia, if I ever say anything that offends you or scares you, I don't mean to sound like I am preaching to you. I just know how much help it would have been for me if I had someone to talk to back then that had faced some of this and could offer me advice on how to deal with it."

"You don't bother me. I appreciate everything you have done to help us out."

"Hey, friends help each other out when they can, right?"

"Right," Olivia agreed with a smile.

"We should probably get out there with the rest of the girls. I am telling you, this facial is so good."

"I am excited," Olivia said with a smile.

She wrapped her towel around her and sat up on the table then made her way to the changing room and slipped into an over stuffed white spa robe. She twisted her hair up in another towel and slipped into the slippers provided by the spa. This was turning out to be quite a relaxing day with the girls.

Olivia closed her eyes as a woman spread some smelly green gunk all over her face.

"Becca, this stuff smells awful."

"Yes, but it works."

"It pulls out the impurities in the skin, while it exfoliates and softens," the woman from the spa said looking at Olivia. "It is made of only the finest natural minerals and oils."

"Okay," Olivia said. "I will take your word for it."

After Olivia's face was completely covered in the smelly green gunk, the woman moved on to work on her nails. Olivia made small talk with some of the other women in their group.

"So Olivia," Carol Hines began, "the members of our groups take turns hosting events. Nothing really big, just little get together to help show our support for each other. Would you and your husband be interested in maybe hosting something this summer?"

"Oh, umm, I am sure that wouldn't be a problem. I would have to talk to Elliot, though about dates and ideas. I am sure that would be great."

"Some people just host their own meetings, some people have hosted fund raisers for the research and treatment of Down Syndrome and some people just host a friendly poker game to help provide the chance for everyone to relax together. We just try to encourage interaction within the group."

"Okay, I will talk to Elliot and get back with you."

"So Olivia," another member of the group asked, "have you decided on a daycare, yet or do you have someone else to watch Maddie when you do return to work?"

"I'm not really sure. I took a little extra time off to be with her, but I will have to go back soon. I really am kind of afraid to put her in daycare. Is there a good one around here?"

"I can give you the number of the place I take my daughter. She is two now and has been going there since she was just about Maddie's age. They are wonderful with her."

"That would be great," Olivia said with a nervous smile.

That evening Olivia stood over the crib watching her daughter sleep.

"Hey you," Elliot said slipping his arms tight around her waist and kissing the back of her neck.

"Hey."

"Whatcha' doin?"

"Thinking," she said softly.

"Thinking about what?"

"Elliot, I don't want to go back to work."

Olivia turned around to look at him.

"I am just so afraid to leave her at daycare or with some stranger. These people don't know her. And she needs so much right now. I think she is too little to be without her mommy and daddy all day. I know that someday she will go off to school and I won't be able to be there with her, but right now I can't do it. I just can't leave her."

Elliot took a deep breath and smiled.

"So don't go back."

"Really? I mean, can we afford for me to stay home with her?"

"We will find a way. I completely agree with you on this one. She needs her mommy. I don't want some stranger watching her either and daycare, I would worry so much about her in daycare. Baby, I think if your heart is telling you that this is where you need to be, then maybe you should listen to it. And in a few years, after she is in school, then you can go back to work. Liv, we have to learn to just take this one step at a time. We are figuring out what works best for us, it is just going to take a little time. If this is what needs to be done, then we will make it happen."

"How will we afford it? We have all of the baby expense and her special doctors, not to mention child support on three other kids."

"We'll think of something. This is what is best for our family and for our daughter, we will find a way to make it work. That is all there is to it. Now, lets get ready for bed."

"Okay."

The next morning Elliot joined Olivia in the kitchen for a little breakfast before work. He smiled and tugged at Madeleine's little foot as she cooed and kicked in her bouncy seat on the counter watching mommy make breakfast.

"I was thinking," Olivia said as she sat a plate of food down in front of him.

"So was I," Elliot replied with a smile. "You first."

"What if I talk to Cragen about maybe doing a little work from home. There may not be a lot in our department that I could do from here, but there is still computer crimes. With the right equipment, there is no reason I cannot do the majority of the work from home. And what little time I do have to go in, I could just take Maddie with me. No violent criminals, make my own hours and after she is in school and we have straightened things out a little more, I can transfer back to the SVU."

"Liv, that is a great idea."

"Do you think they will go for it?"

"I think they would be crazy not to. You were great in computer crimes. And they didn't want to give you up for you to come back before. I am sure they would love to have you back for a while."

"I hope you are right. What was your idea?"

"Well, what if we hosted a family picnic for the group? I could get a pavilion in the park and grill some hamburgers and hot dogs. Something that the families could participate in. Like everyone could bring a side to donate for the meal. And everyone can bring their kids. It wouldn't take long to throw it together, we could have it next month before it gets too cold outside. Get some balloons and games lined out for the kids. Maybe call that petting zoo place."

"You really put a lot of thought into this, didn't you?"

"I did. And I was thinking that you have done everything from back cookies for back sales to help organize fundraisers. I should contribute more. I like these meetings and I like the people. I think you were right, this is good for us and for Maddie. I am proud to be her father. She is my baby girl. I want to do this for her and for us and for all of the other children with and parents of children with Down Syndrome. I think this group has helped us a lot, this is a great way for us to give back."

"I think you are absolutely right. I think this is the perfect idea. To hose a family picnic in the park. I will talk to Becca and some of the other women and try to get a head count. We can bring it up at our next meeting and see if we can select a date that is good for everyone."

"Sounds like we have made some plans."

"Yeah. This parenting stuff isn't as hard as I thought it would be," Olivia laughed as Elliot pulled her over into the bed with him.

"I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered kissing him passionately.

"Umm," Elliot mumbled against her lips.

She tipped her head back as he kissed his way up the under side of her neck.

"Don't you have to get up with Maddie in just a few hours?" he asked unsure if she wanted this to go as far as he was hoping it would.

"Yes. But who says I have to go to sleep first?" Olivia laughed.

Elliot laid her back against the bed and pulled the blankets over their heads.


	8. 8 Small Sacrifices

_Different_

_(Chapter Eight: Small Sacrifices)_

_**Two Weeks Later….**_

"That went over well," Olivia said bagging up the last of the trash from the picnic.

"It was a great idea. And all of your guests seemed to really enjoy themselves."

She smiled.

"I like these people, El. I like having friends that understand what we are going through. People we can really talk to…."

"They all seem like really great people."

Olivia sat down on the edge of the picnic table and smiled down at their sleeping daughter in her carrier.

"What's on your mind?" Elliot asked handing her a can of Diet Coke from the cooler.

"Carol's pregnant," she said softly. "They have known for a little while and have been waiting to tell people."

"I didn't know she and Rick were trying for another baby."

"Some people don't have to try, Elliot."

Elliot kissed her forehead and sat down on the table beside her.

"I take it this baby was a little unexpected?"

"They have three boys already. And their three year old has Down Syndrome. She has an appointment this afternoon for the amniocentesis."

"Maybe they would like to have a little girl."

"Maybe," she said softly. "It's just such a big risk."

"Sometimes people want something so badly, they are willing to take chances to get it. Like when we were trying to get pregnant with her. We didn't account for this. I never in a million years thought she would be born with Downs. But I don't love her any less. And if I had known then, that she might be born with it….it wouldn't change anything for me. I would still want her."

"That is so selfish," she said with tears in her eyes.

"Loving my child unconditionally is selfish?"

"If you knew one hundred percent that our child would be born with this disability, you would still want to get pregnant? That is selfish."

"It isn't like we wished it on her, Liv. And she isn't broken or defective, she's just different. And she's amazing. And I love her more than anything in this world."

"So do I. I'm just not sure that I would want to take the chance to have another baby with it. It's too much of a gamble."

"Life is a gamble, Olivia. God gave her to us, because she was meant to be with us. She's a gift."

"I know that. And I thank God every day for her."

"God never gives you more than you can handle"

"I'm glad you think so," she said standing to look at him with tears in her eyes, "because I'm late."

Elliot stared at her seeing the fear in her eyes.

"Do you really think you could be pregnant again?"

"That is usually what it means when you miss your period."

"How late are you?"

"Eight days," she said biting her lip. "I never went in and got my IUD."

"We've barely even had sex….like twice, since she was born."

"Yeah, well like they say in junior high, it only takes once."

"Unless you're trying," he said staring at some kids playing across the way.

"What are we gonna do?" she asked softly. "

"Sounds like we're gonna have another baby."

"We should get her home."

The next afternoon when Elliot came home for lunch Olivia was sitting in the kitchen drinking glass of iced tea. Maddie was in her swing across the room in front of the television and the entire apartment smelled like the cheeseburgers she had fixed for lunch.

"Hey baby," he said kissing the side of her neck.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Everything alright?"

"The test was positive," she said and he knew how worried she was. "What are we going to do?"

"Make an appointment with your doctor. We'll just keep a close eye on things and when you are far enough along we can have the test done like we did with her. Then we'll know for sure."

"Do you really think it's worth it? To have the amniocentesis, I mean. Knowing isn't really going to change anything. With Maddie it was different. We needed to know to be able to prepare for her arrival, to educate ourselves. But knowing this time isn't really going to make that big a difference. I don't know that it would really be worth the stress that the test would put the baby through."

"You don't want to know?"

"Do you?"

"Do you want this baby? I mean, if he or she is like Maddie….you would still want to have this baby?"

"What the Hell kind of question is that? Elliot, we knew before Maddie was born and didn't for a second consider terminating the pregnancy. How could you ask me this now?"

"I wasn't really offering it as an option. I just wanted to know if that was still how you felt."

"Of course. This is our child. Just as much as Madeleine and the other kids."

"There is still a chance this baby could be just fine."

"I guess we'll just have to wait and see," she said as he hugged her tight.

"We're going to have another baby. That is a good thing."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Elliot said with a smile.

"Good," Olivia smiled.

"You should get going," he said kissing her tenderly. "Don't you have your lunch with the girls today?"

"To be honest, I completely forgot about that. I have been more than a little distracted these past few days."

"I remembered," Elliot said with a smile. "I asked Maureen to come over and sit with her for a few hours. I want you to put everything to the back of your mind for a little while. Go and unwind and have a great time. Maddie will be just fine."

"I know she will. Maureen is really good with her."

"I love you," Elliot said slipping his arms around her waist and holding her for a moment. "I know this all seems so scary right now, but it will work out. It always does. Remember how scared we were with her? Things may not always be easy, but we are getting pretty good at balancing life. If this baby also has Down Syndrome, we will adjust and we will be just fine. Because our family, our children are the most important thing in both our lives. It may take a lot of hard work and a little sacrifice, but together as a family, we can make it through anything." Elliot kissed his wife. "We just have to trust in each other and in our faith."

Olivia smiled.

"You're right," she agreed.

"Now do you feel any better?"

"I do," she said with a smile."

"Good," Elliot said and she laughed.

He kissed his wife and baby goodbye and headed back to work.

That night as they got ready for bed, Elliot pretended to read while he watched his wife put lotion on. Olivia turned to look at him over her shoulder and forced a smile.

"What are you thinking?" she asked.

"Do you really want to know?" he replied raising one eyebrow.

Olivia laughed.

"I bet I could guess," she said tossing a throw pillow at him as she climbed into bed.

"I was thinking that you have been awfully quiet this evening. What's on your mind, baby doll?"

Olivia rolled over and nestled her head against his shoulder, trying not to cry.

"I called and made a doctor's appointment for next week."

"That's good," he said kissing her forehead. "But I'm pretty sure that isn't the reason you are about to cry."

"Carol's doctor put a rush on her amniocentesis results, so they got them back today. The baby is a boy."

"They are having another boy?" Elliot asked.

"She isn't having him," Olivia corrected him. "The test came back positive and she and Rick decided not to have the baby. She had an abortion, Elliot."

She watched as tears rose in his eyes as well.

"Honey, it was their choice. There is nothing we can do, but be there for them as their friends."

"How do you just kill your baby?" she sobbed. "Could you ever look at Maddie and think she doesn't deserve to live? Just because she isn't like other babies. I don't understand it."

"It may not make sense to us, Liv, because that was not the right decision for us. But I am sure that Rick and Carol have put a lot of thought into this and have decided that this was the right choice for their family."

"I have decided that I want to have the test done, El. When I am far enough along in this pregnancy that they can safely perform the procedure, I want to have it done."

Elliot looked up at her for a moment.

"Okay."

"I want to have the baby either way. I just think it may be better if we know and can be prepared. I also want to use doctor Cates and doctor Baylor again."

"I agree there, they were amazing."

"It is just so scary, you know? But seeing Rick and Carol go through this makes it so real."

"You know the chances of having another baby with Downs are only slightly higher than the baby being born without it?"

"The chances are only slightly higher, but that chance becomes all the more real when it happens to someone you know."

A week later Olivia sat on the table waiting for the doctor to return with her pregnancy test results.

"Do you think they will do the ultrasound today or let us hear the heartbeat?" Elliot asked reminding her of a small child growing impatient of waiting.

"She might. Just to see how the baby is developing. I'm not very far along though, so there wont be much to see."

"I can still hear it," Elliot said with a smile as the doctor entered.

"Olivia, I know the two of you are anxious, so I will get straight to the point."

"We know she isn't very far along," Elliot interrupted, "but we were wondering if we could hear the heartbeat today?"

"I'm afraid that isn't going to be possible," the doctor said looking at Olivia.

"Is something wrong with my baby?" she asked with a concerned look.

"I'm afraid this has all been a big misunderstanding. There is no baby. You aren't really pregnant."

"I don't understand. I took two tests, two different days and they were both positive."

"I performed both blood and urine tests just to be sure, but you are not pregnant. When a woman is breastfeeding, your hormone levels can be all messed up. This can cause irregular periods and some women don't have periods at all. This shift in your hormones can be enough to throw off an over the counter pregnancy test."

"I'm not pregnant?" she asked as she laid back against the table. "I'm _not_ pregnant," she repeated.

"No baby," Elliot said as the words registered in his brain.

"Oh, thank God," Olivia sighed.

"Wait, you didn't want to be pregnant?" Elliot asked.

"Not right now, no. Maddie isn't even five months old yet. Do you know how hard this would have been to have two babies that close together?"

"The older girls were close in age and then came the twins. It is a challenge. But we could have done it."

"I know, El. But so much would have been taken away from Madeleine to focus on the new baby. It wouldn't have been fair to either of them. I wouldn't mind having another baby later down the road. I just don't think that we should do it right now."

"I agree."

"Yeah?" she asked with a nervous smile.

"One hundred percent. It would be better for us and _both_ babies if we waited until Madeleine was older."

"I'm thinking about two or three years old," Olivia said. "Out of diapers would be nice."

Elliot kissed her and they laughed in relief.

"Doctor, can I make an appointment to go ahead and get the IUD. I just want to make sure we don't have any more pregnancy scares. I want another baby, but it would be better for everyone involved if we waited until we are ready before we got pregnant again."

The doctor smiled.

"If you don't mind waiting a few minutes for me to set things up, I can do it today before you go."

"That would be wonderful," Olivia replied.

"I think Maddie and I will go wait in the waiting room for mommy," Elliot said picking up their daughter in her carrier and heading out of the room.

That night as they tucked Maddie into her crib in the nursery, they stared down at their sleeping daughter.

"I am so relieved that I am not pregnant right now," Olivia said softly watching the baby sleep. "I just don't think it would be fair. She deserves to be the baby for a while."

"The _only_ baby," Elliot agreed. "And some day, when we're ready, we can _plan_ another pregnancy."

"Sounds good to me."

"Until then we will just have to practice _not_ getting pregnant," Elliot suggested and Olivia laughed.


End file.
